Understanding Boys’ Mental Health: A Guide for Families

Although conversations around children’s mental health are becoming more common, boys are still often left behind. It’s not that families and educators don’t care - but the emotional struggles of boys can be more difficult to recognise. Many boys grow up being told, either directly or through subtle messages, that emotions should be kept in check. “Be brave,” “don’t cry,” “man up” - phrases like these teach boys to hide what they’re really feeling.

As parents and carers, we can shift this narrative. This article will help you identify early warning signs of emotional distress in boys, understand how cultural expectations around masculinity can affect their mental wellbeing, and take practical steps to build a home environment where boys feel safe, heard, and emotionally supported.

Noticing the Early Signs

Emotional difficulties in boys don’t always show up in obvious ways. Unlike girls, who may be more inclined to show sadness openly, boys are often more likely to express distress through anger, frustration, or changes in behaviour. These behaviours are sometimes misread as “normal boy behaviour” or a passing mood, when in fact they might signal something deeper.

Here are some of the more common indicators of emotional struggle in boys:

• Angry outbursts or frequent irritability

• Pulling away from family or friends

• Noticeable changes in sleep, appetite, or energy

• Constant tiredness or lack of motivation

• Difficulty concentrating or disinterest in school

• Physical complaints (like headaches or tummy aches) without a clear cause

These signals aren’t always dramatic - sometimes it’s just a subtle change in mood or behaviour. But by staying present and paying attention, we can help boys feel seen and supported before their struggles deepen.

Why Masculinity Norms Can Hide the Problem

We’ve all heard it before: “boys don’t cry,” “don’t be soft,” “get over it.” Whether said in jest or passed on unconsciously, these messages reinforce the idea that boys must suppress their emotions to be accepted.

The problem is that when boys believe that showing emotion makes them weak, they learn to internalise their feelings. Instead of saying “I’m upset” or “I’m scared,” they may lash out, act up in class, or become withdrawn and disengaged. These behaviours are often misunderstood, when in reality they’re signs of internal distress.

This creates a difficult position for boys - they’re expected to be resilient and composed, but they aren’t taught how to process emotions in healthy ways. As a result, many boys struggle in silence. By challenging these old beliefs and showing that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness, we can begin to break the cycle.

Giving Boys Permission to Feel

One of the most powerful things we can do as families is show boys that it’s okay to feel all emotions - not just the “easy” ones. It’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to ask for help.

Male role models play an especially important part in this. When boys see their dads, brothers, or grandads openly talk about stress, sadness, or anxiety, it tells them that emotions aren’t something to hide. It normalises emotional expression.

When a boy comes to us feeling low, our job isn’t to immediately fix the problem. Just being present, listening, and saying “That sounds really difficult” can be enough. And when they’re clearly upset, try replacing “You’re fine” with “It’s completely normal to feel this way - I’m here with you.” That reassurance goes a long way in helping boys build emotional confidence and resilience.

Creating a Supportive Home Environment

A nurturing environment at home helps boys learn that their emotions are valid. That doesn’t require perfection - just a few small, thoughtful steps that show them it’s safe to share what they’re going through.

Try building simple habits into your daily routine, such as:

• Asking open questions like, “What was something tricky about today?”

• Encouraging open conversations without judgment

• Making space for them to express frustration, sadness, or vulnerability

You can also explore feelings through creative activities:

• Reading books or watching films that highlight emotional themes

• Drawing or journaling together

• Using visual tools like mood charts or emotion cards

Activities that promote calm and connection can be incredibly helpful, too:

• Nature walks

• Listening to or playing music

• Playing sports or practising mindfulness

And finally, consistent structure helps boys feel secure. Predictable routines, clear boundaries, and opportunities for quiet time give boys a sense of control, especially when the world feels overwhelming.

Knowing When to Ask for Help

If emotional struggles persist for more than a couple of weeks - or if you notice a noticeable shift in behaviour that impacts daily life - it’s time to seek professional guidance. Reaching out isn’t a failure. It’s one of the most courageous things a parent can do.

Here are some places you can turn to for support:

• Your GP, who can make referrals to appropriate services

• The school’s or nursery’s SENCO or designated mental health lead

• Local CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) or a private counsellor

• National organisations like YoungMinds or Place2Be

• And don’t forget: if you’re finding things tough yourself, it’s okay to ask for help.

Supporting a child through emotional difficulties can take its toll - you deserve care too.

Final Thoughts and Further Support

Being proactive about boys’ mental health can genuinely shape their future. Outdated ideas about masculinity may have silenced previous generations, but we have the opportunity to build something different.

When boys feel they can safely express their emotions, they’re far more likely to grow into men who are resilient, self-aware, and able to form strong, meaningful relationships.

If you’re looking to connect with others on this parenting journey, we partnered up with Male Childcare & Teaching Jobs on a fatherhood mentoring programme - a supportive space to reflect on parenting, emotional wellbeing, and raising boys with emotional strength.

And for families with teenage sons, we also offer a mentoring programme for young men. It’s a chance for boys to build friendships, explore ideas around healthy masculinity, and prepare for their future with confidence and clarity.